Crossroads
by Magician April Aries
Summary: Hikaru hadn't really believed them when they said it would be hard. He'd laughed. But later he'd wished he believed them from the start.
1. The Weight of the World

A/N: I've been having a really horrible month. I feel like my head is stuffed with awful stuff that's already happened PLUS a lot of worst-case scenarios; and even worse, I still have these brief moments of hope and happiness which inevitably get cut to a screeching halt by some other terrible event.

I'm miserable, which means that this fic is miserable too. It's pretty short, particularly in comparison to my other stories. Set in the OTNK timeline, so you'll see a few references to past fics.

I don't know anything about the fashion industry, so forgive me for any mistakes. Just chalk it up to the Hitachiins being unconventional and doing things no sane designer ever would.

This fic is for the higher powers in this universe, in an attempt to beg them to stop messing with my life. A little mercy would be nice.

* * *

><p>Crossroads<p>

Chapter One: The Weight of the World

Hikaru hadn't really believed them when they said it would be hard.

For the summer holidays, he and Kaoru decided to help out their parents with the business. Every summer their parents would hold a sort of fashion tour de force, showcasing different lines in various countries over an absurdly short time period. It was the sort of madness that very few designers would attempt—and fashion designers weren't famed for their sanity to begin with. Kaoru had gone with them last year; but since Hikaru had chosen to go to St. Tropez with Tamaki at the time instead, this was his first time.

Plus his parents had a very hands-off approach: they were letting the twins showcase their own pieces apart from the Hitachiin line—and told them not to expect any help. He'd been told, over and over again, that he was going to be in for hell.

"It's the worst," one of their parents' trainees said. "I went last year and considered seppuku."

He'd laughed.

Of course he'd laughed. Designing was in the Hitachiin blood; where other designers nearly killed themselves over their sketches, the twins produced gorgeous works one after another, never seeming to lack for inspiration. And okay, fashion shows were nerve-wracking for everybody, because they never seemed to go as planned, but they had no problems dealing with that sort of pressure. And as for sweating over critique, they didn't really give a damn what most people said—and for that matter, what most people did say of them was glowing praise.

"Oh, Hikaru," Kaoru had said, shaking his head with the annoying superiority of someone who'd already experienced something they were warning you about. It was the sort of tone which Hikaru usually punched people for, but he wasn't too keen on breaking his twin's nose. Or getting killed for it by Kyouya, for that matter. "You have no idea what we're in for."

As it turned out, he really hadn't known.

It wasn't the designing. It wasn't the shows. It wasn't even the critique.

It was the nightmare of country-hopping, never staying long enough in one place to get over their jet lag. It was switching from French to Italian to German in the span of a week and a half until he could barely remember where he was anymore.

"_Bonjour,"_ Hikaru had greeted someone when he'd just hopped off the plane, practically sleep-walking. His father gave him a funny look and informed him that they were in London.

It was craving rice and miso soup and sushi—_real _sushi, not the poor imitations they did here which were always too dry or too salty or too _something_. It was dropping into uncomfortable, lumpy mattresses in sterile hotel rooms.

"Seriously, for all the money we're shelling out, I can't believe we sleep on rocks," he complained.

Hitachiin Yuzuha snorted. "Hikaru, darling. Last time it was too soft, the time before that it was too hard, before that you said that the bedspread was too frilly..."

"The mattresses are fine. What you're thinking," Kaoru said, "is that they don't feel like _home_. And you won't find one that does." Then he made a face. "You were right about that time with the bedspread, though. It looked like it was scavenged from a Barbie dream house."

It was the parties, the endless appearances that they had to make in between their shows, forcing them to stay up until what-the-fuck-o'clock even when Hikaru wanted to do nothing more than pass out.

"Sadly, the excuse that we're turning in early to do wicked and wayward things together can only be used for so long," Kaoru told him one night they'd managed to escape. Going to parties was a little like being in the Host Club. Their 'are-they-or-aren't-they' brotherly love act was just the right edge of hedonistic and mysterious, attracting the Bohemian crowd; though of course they were careful to tone it down and laugh it off with the more conservative set. "Networking is part of the job too, Hikaru."

It was shitty coffee, not enough coffee, and getting so desensitized to coffee that his caffeine intake had to be upped until his hands shook.

"I refuse to give you any more coffee until at least three hours have passed," their mother pronounced.

Hikaru looked longingly at the cup of French roast cradled in their father's hands. "Please... can I have... just a little bit?" he whimpered. Honestly he wanted nothing more than a coffee IV drip (and actually, that wasn't a bad idea, and he started wondering where he could find one...).

"If I find you eating coffee grounds, we are going to have _words_," their father said, shaking his head. "Strong words."

He turned to his twin, eyes wide and pleading, but not having much hope. His Bambi eyes weren't nearly as effective as Kaoru's in the first place, and they were even worse now that they were bloodshot and drooping. "Kaoru? I promise I'll stop... this'll be the last..."

"No way! I'm not slipping you espresso shots anymore. You make me feel like a drug pusher."

And it was feeling so very fucking alone.

Hikaru hated that most of all, because it made him feel like an emo poser or a sentimental girl, because come on, it was only for a summer; besides, Kaoru was with him.

The others were busy too; their upperclassmen had elected to help out with their own respective family businesses, and Haruhi had managed to land an internship with a prestigious law firm. The first few days, the Host Club had been more than accommodating in contacting them, but after a week or two they'd tapered off to the occasional e-mail—not that he would have time to reply to anything more, anyway. Hikaru guiltily remembered how last summer, he'd been the same in corresponding with Kaoru.

He wasn't sure why, because Kaoru had always, always been enough during their childhood.

"You miss milord," Kaoru informed him.

"Shut up! Do not. Besides, I just talked to him yesterday."

"If by talking you mean you snored into your phone." They'd only talked for about five minutes before Hikaru fell asleep, because it was so late and he was practically running on coffee fumes. And since Tamaki spent most of his time helping out his father and Hikaru's time zones kept changing, it was difficult for them to coordinate calls in the first place anyway.

"You know, you could take a break," Kaoru murmured. "Maybe pass on some of the workload, take a day or two off. You could even go back to Japan for a while if you want. Mom and dad will understand." It wasn't the first time that he'd offered, but Hikaru refused to take the out. He'd heard that Kaoru had borne up well under the workload the first time around, and he seemed to be handling the stress just fine once again. If his twin could do it, so could he. Besides, soon enough they'd have to take over the business and then their whole _lives _would be like this, not just one summer.

So of course... "What, and let you miss my sunny presence? Never." He grinned and threw a discarded design at his brother.

But it really was hard, and he'd wished he believed them from the start.

* * *

><p>It happened somewhere in his fifth week, at three in the morning in Russia.<p>

In his defence, it was _three in the morning._ And it was Russia, which was unspeakably cold and a complete shock to his system since they'd just come from the Caribbean (lots of floaty materials, and too many blondes in swimming trunks who put him in mind of tanned Tamakis). He'd just finished dealing with some last-minute changes for their show tomorrow, and after that he'd had to start putting something together for their next show in New York. He hadn't had dinner—or lunch, for that matter, and he'd been too out of it that morning to even remember if he'd had breakfast or not—and he was just exhausted and miserable and cursing the chairs in their office, because they were clearly not meant for sitting in for any period of time over five minutes.

"You look like a panda," Kaoru said, looking fascinated and horrified at the same time. He, damn him, looked tired but nowhere near the level of oh-my-god-I'm-dying Hikaru was experiencing. "Seriously, those eyebags don't qualify as carry-ons anymore. They're more like check-in baggage."

"It's chic," Hikaru replied without missing a beat. "You know, sort of 'I stayed up late partying'."

"It's more like 'I just rose from the dead and still smell like a fresh corpse'," Kaoru informed him, stretching and yawning. "I'm done for the night. Are you coming back with me?"

Hikaru scowled enviously at him, watching as his brother pulled on his coat and scarf. Their hotel was just a quick walk away, and it was so tempting to go with him but... "I can't. I've still got stuff to do."

"Oh. I could—"

"Get to bed already," Hikaru said, rolling his eyes. He knew that Kaoru would offer to help, or at least wait for him. He already had the sneaking suspicion that his twin was diverting some of the load away from him. Even though Kaoru always finished first, he seemed to have more to do. He hated the thought of being babied. He raised his voice, knowing that the other people working would hear. "Keep our mattress warm for me, darling, I'll join you in a while."

The two of them snickered as they heard delighted giggles. "No matter where we go, our act is a hit," Kaoru said, grinning.

"Hit... I'd like to hit someone right now."

"If you get too stressed out you can always take it out on the interns." His twin smiled mischievously. Kaoru had made a couple of them cry before, but in general he got along with them. "Just make sure you don't do it before you ask them to get you coffee. They'll spit in it."

"At this point I'd even take spit-infused coffee," he pouted. "You and mom and dad are caffeine Nazis."

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you were having full-body tremors yesterday. People thought you were dancing, Hikaru, and it wasn't even a cool dance. If that was a mating dance our whole species would be extinct." Kaoru pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Don't stay up too late, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you can't sleep without my arms around you," Hikaru said with a laugh, waving him away. "I'll be back soon."

Kaoru winced as he ducked out the door. "Soon? Eventually is enough to ask."

Hikaru would later note that even _eventually _seemed like too much to ask. Not ten minutes after his twin had left, he was informed that two of the models had just contracted food poisoning and couldn't show up tomorrow (or later that day, anyway, considering it was already in the ungodly hours of the morning), five of their dresses had been misplaced, and there was some kind of problem with the heating. He cursed under his breath—his _visible _breath, Jesus, just how cold was it?—as he knelt on the floor and rooted through the piles of fabric everywhere, barking out orders to find replacement girls for the runway. Hell, if he got desperate he would force Kaoru to cross-dress with him and they would model themselves. God knew that they were pretty enough for it.

That was where he knew he had gone beyond his limit. He was calling himself _pretty _of all things.

His phone rang, and he swore. "What?" he snarled, snapping open the phone and cradling it between his shoulder and ear as he continued searching.

"Russian?" He sighed as he heard his boyfriend's voice. "Hi Hikaru. I missed you."

"Yeah, missed you too," he muttered distractedly, switching back to Japanese. "Sorry about that, didn't check who was calling. Where the fuck is the—you, over there. Get me coffee."

"But Hitachiin-sama's orders—"

"I'm about to commit _murder_," Hikaru said. "Decide whether my mom's orders are worth your life."

"Are you okay?" Tamaki asked. "You sound pretty stressed."

He gritted his teeth. "No, really?" He'd been careful and chipper so far with Tamaki over the phone. Snarky, yes, and he complained about having too much to do, but he'd never liked sounding weak. When he complained it was more in the sense of, 'Don't have as much time to have affairs behind your back' rather than 'I'm running on twenty minutes of sleep and I just want to cry right now'. And Tamaki hadn't pushed beyond what Hikaru told him. "It's... whatever." An intern appeared at his side with a cup of coffee and he took it with a grateful sigh—even if she probably _had _spit in it, just as Kaoru said.

He took a sip before glaring up at her in outrage. "Decaf?"

"I'm sure you killing me for giving you decaf will be much less painful than what Kaoru-shi would do if he found out I let you have caffeine," she said, unfazed. "His death threats are far more detailed."

Another assistant materialized at his side. "Hikaru-shi, one of the sleeves for your garment came off—"

Tamaki's voice cut in. "Hikaru, I—"

"SHUT UP!"

Utter silence fell. Hikaru closed his eyes, scrubbing at his face.

"Jesus, Tamaki, I'm busy," he said into the phone. "I've got better things to do, and do you know what fucking time it is over here? It's three in the fucking morning. I don't have time for this—I don't have time for _you_."

For a moment there was only the soft sound of his boyfriend's breathing. Hikaru froze, realizing what he had just said. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Tamaki beat him to it.

"...okay. I love you, Hikaru. Bye."

And then the line cut off.

Hikaru stared at his phone.

"Hikaru-shi?" ventured one of the interns.

He slowly put it down. "I called him _Tamaki," _he mumbled. "I..." He trailed off, then turned his gaze on the intern. "Fucking get me coffee _now._"

* * *

><p>Of course Kaoru knew what happened, even though Hikaru hadn't told him. The rest of the staff had called and woken Kaoru up, and fifteen minutes later he'd appeared.<p>

He glanced up at the mess around them and allowed himself a small sigh, but otherwise schooled his face into careful blankness.

Hikaru looked at him sulkily. "You didn't need to come back. I know you were already sleeping."

"Go back to the hotel, Hikaru," he said, plucking the coffee from his hand. Hikaru had foregone a cup to drink right out of the pot, and it was already almost empty, but he didn't say a single word of reprimand. He knocked back the last few drops. "Just go to bed. I'll take over. You need at least six hours of sleep tonight."

"I'm not a child, Kaoru," Hikaru snapped.

"I know," Kaoru said soothingly. He gestured at one of the assistants. "Could you ring maintenance, have them bring up a heater? Thanks." He knelt beside his twin and dug around the mess of clothing, easily extracting one of the dresses that they were looking for. "I'm not trying to treat you like a kid. But you haven't slept properly in too long. It's okay. I can handle it."

"And I can't?" Hikaru's cheeks were an angry pink from the cold.

"I didn't say that."

He watched Kaoru unearth yet another one of the missing garments. It seemed so _obvious_, suddenly, that it had been there all along. Hikaru was pretty sure that he'd even gone through that particular pile. "Sure, you didn't say it. But you're thinking it."

"Could you guys leave us for a moment?" Kaoru asked the other people. "One of you sew back the sleeve on Hikaru's garment for tomorrow, please... the others, set up sleeping and working shifts for the rest of the night." He turned back to Hikaru as everyone else filed out. "Look. No one's supposed to be able to handle it the first time around—"

_Except you_? Hikaru was abruptly furious. "Look, I may not be able to do things perfectly unlike you, but I had it under control," he bit out. "What is it with your constant need to prove that you're good at something?"

Kaoru blew out a breath, making his bangs flutter. He knew that Hikaru was just tired—and his big-mouthed brother wasn't the most tactful person to begin with. Unfortunately, he was pretty tired himself. "I'm not trying to prove anything. I don't need to."

"Liar," Hikaru snorted. "You're _always _trying to prove something. You live your whole life bending over backwards and trying to be good enough. That's why you're some kind of perfect robot who doesn't have trouble staying up all hours and getting everything done and not giving a fuck about Kyouya-sempai being thousands of miles away—hell, I don't know. Maybe you guys even have some kind of arrangement where you can dick around behind his back while you're off on work—"

Without warning, his twin slammed him against the wall.

"Don't," he warned him in a low voice completely alien from his usual breathy tenor. "Don't drag Kyouya-sempai into this."

Hikaru let out a sharp laugh. "Did I hit a sore spot, little brother? You haven't been going around seducing boys on our trip with your pretty little pout, have you?" He watched the blood drain out of Kaoru's face, the way he was biting down on his lip, his fingers digging into his palms, the way it always did when Hikaru went too far on something, and realized _oh shit, I really did hit a sore spot._ "Kaoru, you—"

_No way, no fucking way, Kaoru isn't, he couldn't..._

Kaoru let go of him, but he felt like he couldn't move at all. Instead he watched as his brother stalked out the door.

Minutes passed before one of the assistants stuck his head in through the doorway. "Sir? Is everything all right? Kaoru-shi left, but we still—"

Hikaru swallowed hard, suddenly not tired at all. "Yeah. I'll handle it."

* * *

><p>The next day the show went off as well as could be hoped. All of last night's problems had been resolved without too much trouble, and they received a lot of praise for their work. They'd packed up after the obligatory round of parties and headed off to Barcelona, where Hikaru was at least grateful to be warm.<p>

But.

Kaoru wasn't talking to him.

His brother, in classic Kaoru-style, somehow managed to be nothing less than the epitome of professional and accomplish everything they needed while never speaking a word to him. Hikaru was mildly impressed; considering they shared a room worked together, he was sure that Kaoru would slip up eventually... but he didn't. His twin could be pretty single-minded when he wanted to be.

The staff was much less impressed, though—by Hikaru. Kaoru was their darling; he was the youngest out of all of them, and irresistibly charming besides. They liked Hikaru well enough, but Kaoru was the Hitachiin twin prone to bursts of affection like bringing them all pizza and remembering their birthdays, so it was no surprise that they adored him. They'd also known Kaoru since last year, while Hikaru was more of a newcomer.

"It's not—they're not really _doing _anything," Hikaru mumbled to his dad after the show. "It's just quiet." The workplace was always eerily silent when he was there, the only noise the insistent clack-clack of the machines or the faint whisper of fabric. They were careful not to do it when Kaoru or their parents were around, though. Their father only knew because he was so good at blending in the shadows.

"It'll pass, trust me. Kaoru's just more familiar, so they're taking their cues from him. And if this has to do with your argument last night, it's a hard subject for Kaoru."

His eyes widened. "You—"

Their _father _knew about it. If he knew about it there was no doubt that their mother did too. "Kaoru told you guys but not me?" he blurted out. He could understand his twin telling Kyouya things that he didn't tell him—the sophomore had the powers of hell at his disposal, after all, and could easily hypnotize or torture his brother into giving him any information he wanted—but their _parents_? Their mom and dad were fabulous, but _really_?

"No, Hikaru, it isn't like that..."

Hikaru gritted his teeth, wondering why people always told you "It's not like that" when obviously it waslikethat_._ "It's fine. We'll handle it. It's pretty much a given that we'll fight while we're working in the future. So it's even some kind of fucked up learning experience, right?"

"Language," his father said mildly, even though he and Yuzuha were well aware that Hikaru had a terrible potty mouth and considered it a small thing in the face of all his other character quirks (like his fascination with pulling fire alarms). "I'm glad you're thinking of it that way. Your mother and I will stay out of it, then. It's very mature of you."

"Thanks." So mature that Hikaru returned Kaoru's silent treatment instead of apologizing and talking it over like he'd planned. Besides, Kaoru seemed just fine without him, floating around to chat with the staff or having annoyingly long conversations with Kyouya on the phone.

And that just pissed him off harder, because he couldn't talk with Tamaki the same way.

He'd tried calling to apologize, but Tamaki hadn't picked up... and he felt too stupid to just leave a voicemail apologizing. He had to admit though, had he been in Tamaki's place he would've been furious at him. If he'd been spoken to that way, he certainly wouldn't have bothered telling him "I love you" in that sad tone before hanging up.

Tamaki had at least texted him a terse message about being very busy for a while and ceasing contact until his schedule freed up a bit, and he supposed he deserved that too, so he hadn't bothered replying. That was how their fights went: they got pissed off at each other, one ran off, and they made up by getting all hot and bothered. Admittedly he was usually the one running off—and it was pretty awful to be on the other side of it for once—but he could deal with it. Tamaki would forgive him when he was ready.

He just hadn't thought that it would take so damn long.

"Hell, I _want _him to stop talking to me," he mumbled angrily into his pillow after the fifth night of not talking to his boyfriend. He saw Kaoru sneak a glance at him when he spoke, but his twin resolutely turned his back the moment he realized Hikaru had noticed.

He rolled his eyes, knowing that Kaoru was curious but far too proud to ask him about it—no doubt Kaoru had noticed that he was no longer getting phone calls. Well, he had too many things to deal with anyway. It was all for the best, not having to waste energy on Tamaki for a while. And it wasn't like he wanted to talk about it with Kaoru. Heck, there was nothing to talk about at all.

_Sure_. Lie to yourself long enough and maybe, just maybe, it'll become reality.

* * *

><p>It was at one of their after-parties… in Italy, of course. They called Paris the City of Love, but Hikaru had always felt that there was more old-world romance in Italy, despite the country's particular grittiness and slightly rough-around-the-edges feel; that those things even enhanced its allure. It was one of the things that made him nurse a secret fondness for the place.<p>

(Plus there was the food. Italian was the twins' favourite. There was a little hole-in-the-wall which made the best gelato where they knew him by name and he was friends with the family that ran it, even.)

Kaoru had abandoned him in favour of some dilettante he had met last year. The twins had made sure to circulate a rumour of a 'lover's tiff' so that people wouldn't expect them in a set for once. Most people weren't so crass as to ask outright—not when people still weren't sure of the exact nature of their relationship—but those who did muster up the courage to inquire were met with either soft sighs and fake teary eyes (from Kaoru, naturally) or a flip comment and a mocking smirk (Hikaru).

So he'd wandered off on his own to one of the balconies after a rather spectacular exchange with some outrageous new novelist. At least the conversation hadn't been boring; he was fairly sure they'd set most of the ears in the room on fire, if the shocked looks were anything to judge by. Plus the waiters had kept his glass filled enough so that he was feeling pleasantly buzzed.

"That was quite the performance," he heard as he took a sip of his champagne. English, not Italian, a faint accent curling around the words. Upper-crust British.

"Yeah?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the new arrival who eased beside him, running a critical eye over his tuxedo. "People act like they haven't heard people talk about penguins like that before."

"They generally don't, Mr. Hitachiin," the other man quipped, his tone heavy with amusement.

"Dear God, don't call me that," he groaned.

"Hikaru, then?" The redhead nodded. "All right, Hikaru, as you please. You likely don't remember me."

He squinted. He looked vaguely familiar, but if he'd met him some other time during the tour, it was a lost cause trying to recall, really. "Sorry, are you Lucien from last night or Pierre from this afternoon…? No, no, with that accent you must be Arthur from that lovely romp in the stables I had back in the English countryside. Or maybe you're Erik from that time in Dusseldorf?" He shrugged sloppily, a little of the champagne sloshing over the side of his glass as he gestured. He put on a charming smile. It was hard to get mad at that smile, he knew. "So many beautiful men, so little time."

"Amen to that, and it never hurts to be counted among the beautiful men. It's Charles, by the way, so you weren't too far off in your last guess."

"Charles? In what universe is that close to Erik?"

Charles smirked. "You _have _watched X-Men: First Class, yes? If Erik isn't close to Charles there, well…"

"Oh. _Ohhhhh_. Good point." Hikaru snickered. "Is this the part where you tell me I have a groovy mutation?"

"I've heard all the jokes, I can assure you. The first few months after that film's release were bloody torture. No, I'm a designer, just as you are. Not quite of your or your parents' calibre—not yet, anyway." He spoke with easy arrogance, and Hikaru found himself liking it in spite of himself. "That's how we met, you know. But then, you had full-body shakes and you looked like you couldn't tell a dress from a doughnut by then, so I'm not all that surprised you can't recall."

"Wait… in Turkey, right?" Hikaru asked, concentrating. "You were that floppy-haired guy who gave me his coffee after mom introduced us." Turkey, with thick dark brews in cups the size of eggshells; some guy sitting across him in a jewel-box of a coffeehouse as his mother introduced them, and him resting his head against Kaoru's shoulder and trying very hard not to fall asleep as he let his mouth go on autopilot in the conversation. "I think I called you a ponce."

Charles laughed. "Very good. Though I'm not quite sure how to feel about the floppy hair comment, and you did tell me that I was a rakish ponce at the least. It was a shame I was forced to escape very quickly after your mother got upset with me for giving you caffeine. You may also have told me that you would bear my babies in thanks for the coffee."

"Shut up, I did not," Hikaru laughed. "You're a shameless flirt."

"Yes you did—but I don't deny the flirt part. Can you really blame me? You're lovely." He looked delighted as Hikaru flushed all the way to his collarbones.

Normally Hikaru would have socked him one for that last comment, but it was... nice. Recently all he'd been hearing was what a disaster he looked. "I call bullshit," he snorted, draining his glass. "I haven't slept properly since I left Japan and I think I'm bordering horror-movie epic."

Charles didn't deny it. "You're still lovely. That bodes well for you when the zombie apocalypse rolls around—you'll be the fairest of all the walking dead."

_Oh fuck, a clever flirt. My weakness,_ Hikaru whimpered internally. "I don't think my beloved twin would be too happy if I ran off into the sunset with the first Lothario come a-wooing."

He laughed. "Those rumours you two start, honestly. Not that it isn't hot to imagine..."

Hikaru's stomach clenched. "If you're looking for a kinky threesome with me and my brother, it isn't happening."

"How very protective. Your brother is quite sweet, but not really to my tastes." At Hikaru's look of surprise, Charles shrugged. "What? I didn't mean looks-wise. But you two are ridiculously different when people bother to look past the physical." He thumbed at the shadows under Hikaru's eyes, smiling when the younger boy didn't pull away. "I've been where you are now. That soul-sucking start of your career when you're falling apart. This... I found that it makes it bearable."

"What, trying to pick up boys half your age?"

"I'm only twenty-three, so don't use the old fart excuse on me," Charles said, rolling his eyes. Hikaru wasn't all that surprised. It was a young business, a young world—everything moved fast, like champagne bubbles in his bloodstream, like Charles's hand resting lightly on his arm. "And no. It's... the human contact, I suppose. A bit more madness in the midst of all this madness, but at least it's a beautiful kind."

"You're so sly," Hikaru said, staring up at him. "How many people have fallen for those lines?"

"I've had my fair share. But at least I'm honest about it." Charles released him. "You decide how this plays out. We can stay out here and chat, and have a lovely time dissecting all sorts of topics, and get pleasantly drunk on free champagne, and part for the night promising to talk again at a future date. Or I can leave you in peace to do what you wish. Or."

"Or?" Hikaru asked, hating the sudden breathiness of his voice. Jesus Christ, how much had he drunk?

Charles smiled.

* * *

><p>AN: When I was writing this, my mental image of Charles was really James McAvoy. Because X-Men: First Class is amazing.

I have to confess, I'm not really sure where I'm going to go with this fic. It could go anywhere, really, depending on my mood. I'll try to update soon... though December is coming up, which means pressure to write a Christmas fic as usual.


	2. Picking Paths

A/N: A rough draft of this has been sitting in my folders for months now. Before, I was too busy to do anything. When my time freed up, things happened and I felt too depressed to write. It wasn't until a94monkeygirl messaged me that I realized how ridiculously long it's been since I've written, and how the OTNK-verse hasn't progressed at all. So I quickly typed this up. My thanks go to a94monkeygirl for the much-needed wake-up call. This chapter is dedicated to you.

Much love and appreciation also to the reviewers from the last chapter: the wonderful Always A Bookworm, iPercy, YeahYouWannaKnowMyName, Full-Empty-Spirit, ranchan-akari, starkidranger, Sam, stole-my-pen, and again to a94monkeygirl. I adore you all for taking the time to give feedback and encouragement. There was a lot of worry about how Hikaru was going to do something stupid.

My thoughts? Hikaru always does something stupid. That's why I love him and want to despair of him at the same time.

This chapter feels a bit short and rushed to me, and for that I have to apologize. But still, onwards we go, for I have kept you all waiting for too long as it is~

* * *

><p>Chapter Two: Picking Paths<p>

By some fortuitous twist of fate, Charles happened to be staying at the same hotel they were at (actually, it wasn't all that surprising; it was the best hotel in the city and half the party's attendees were staying there too, while the other half had properties in the area).

They'd tumbled into his room, laughing, brief flutters of touch between them but nothing more—couldn't risk it with how much their set gossiped, not with so many of them in the same place—and flopped onto his bed, which Hikaru noted, seemed to be much, much comfier than the one he shared with Kaoru. Hikaru entertained himself briefly at the thought of his twin being only three floors above them before he realized that the thought nauseated him. Or if he had to be absolutely honest…

It _shamed _him.

"You all right?" Charles asked, pulling away from him.

"I... yeah, I'm just a little..."

"Tense?" The Brit quipped. He got up and started rooting through the minibar. "You could lie back a bit, I'll pour us drinks. What do you fancy?"

Hikaru ignored the question. "_Fancy_. You sound like someone straight off the BBC."

Charles laughed. "We've got beer, but if you want some of the harder stuff we have whiskey, gin, brandy, rum—"

"Not rum." The words left him in a rush, hands clenching on the covers. _Bacardi 151, the demon rum._ Kaoru lying pale and still on Kyouya's bed.

His twin could have died that night.

_Because he was teaching you a lesson. Because you were so far gone in your depression after breaking up with milord._

He bit his lip. If he did this, Tamaki would—

"Hikaru?" Charles inquired, raising his head.

"I don't care what it is, just not rum."

"All right then." Charles raised an eyebrow in askance but didn't push further. He grabbed a couple of microbrews and sidled up next to Hikaru. "You can pick which bottle in case you're afraid I spiked them."

Hikaru grabbed one, rolling his eyes. "Don't be stupid, if you'd spiked them and had your way with me I would tell my parents and you would never work in this industry again."

"Not to mention I would be in jail, have you forgotten that part?" Charles pointed out with a grin. "I'm mildly appalled at the thought that you'd think that it's worse to never be a designer again. And do I really look like a date-rapist?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question?"

"Cheeky." He pushed gently between Hikaru's shoulders. "Now roll over."

The redhead flushed. "Hey, if you think I'm just going to get on my stomach for you like some twink—"

"Don't be thick." Charles set his beer down on the nightstand and tugged off Hikaru's tie with a single expert twitch of his finger. "You're wound so tight it's painful to look at you. I'm only going to give you a massage. Trust me, when you and I have sex," Hikaru _hated _the way he shivered at that, but even more hated the fact that it made Charles smirk, so he let himself be pushed down without too much of a fight if only to avoid seeing that conceited expression, "you'll be so far gone that you'll get on your stomach willingly."

"You're a smug—holy fuck," Hikaru let out a small scream of pain as Charles's thumbs dug into his muscle.

"You have such a dirty mouth."

Hikaru gritted his teeth and pitched his voice high and innocent. "Golly, mister, I'm sorry! Don't soap my mouth out, please! I meant to say holy _fudge._ Dingy-dangy-doggone. Heck to phooey—_Christ!_"

Charles ignored him, and after a few long moments, the tortured sounds became soft whimpers. "God, that's... how are you doing that?"

"I'm magical," Charles deadpanned. "I'll admit it was a bit touch and go back there—you're so tense that it was like trying to knead rocks—but I'm actually certified. Got some training as a lark one summer." He leaned down to press a kiss to Hikaru's shoulderblade and wait a second, when had his shirt come off?

"How do you get training as a lark?" Hikaru asked, befuddled. His muscles were _liquefying._ "Do they teach you how to fly?"

Charles laughed. "You're adorable." He tugged gently at him until he was on his back. "I would like very much to kiss you now."

Not asking. Not ordering. Just telling him. "So why haven't you?" Hikaru asked.

In answer, he felt lips meet his own, Charles laughing into his mouth. "You are insufferable and so, so lovely, Hikaru."

God, Charles knew how to kiss, and he tasted like alcohol and caramel, and he laughed into Hikaru's mouth, teeth on his neck. Hikaru sighed. Charles was brilliant. Why the heck had he even thought of saying no? He was brilliant and sexy and he smelled faintly of—

"Fuck, fuck, I can't do this, Jesus," Hikaru said, pushing him away suddenly.

Immediately Charles backed off, putting a good foot of space between them. He waited a few moments for Hikaru to catch his breath. "I'm hoping that wasn't a judgment on my kissing skills," he joked.

Hikaru chucked a pillow at him. "I'm pretty sure that the magical thing extends to your mouth," he said. "Don't tell me you got certified in that too."

The other man was quiet. "You're shaking, Hikaru."

Hikaru clenched his hands into fists. "Listen, I'm sorry, I—I just can't. It's not like you lured me here or whatever, I know that I'm here of my own free will, but I... I can't."

"Don't be a broken record, love. It's a man's prerogative to change his mind." His lips quirked up as he handed Hikaru his shirt. "Something's telling me that it's not because you were suddenly overcome with maidenly modesty. Feeling bad about leaving your brother in your bed all by his lonesome?"

"No, not Kaoru," Hikaru admitted, yanking on his hair to ground himself.

"Ah. But a lover nonetheless." At Hikaru's silence, Charles nodded. "I understand. Guilt got to you at the last second?"

"Kind of." Hikaru bit on his lip. "It was your smell."

"...I think I would have preferred it had you impugned my kissing skills after all. I'll have you know that I shower regularly."

"No, no. You two use the same cologne. "His hands twisted on his lap. He could remember that scent from all the times he'd cuddled up—not that he ever cuddled, because he wasn't sentimental and... okay, fine, _yes_, he'd cuddled—with Tamaki. "I'm sorry."

"Well, you're a terrible pricktease, but I'll let that slide," Charles said. "You could stay and we can talk or watch terrible, overrated Hollywood movies with Italian dubbing. They might even have X-Men First Class, in which case I'm going to play a drinking game where we have to take shots every time the word 'groovy' is used. Or you can go and I'll see you when we next run into each other. At breakfast, probably. They have the best fruit selections here."

"...really?"

He chuckled at Hikaru's gobsmacked expression. "Oh yes. I'm particularly fond of their strawberries."

Hikaru tried to glare. "That's not what I meant."

"The way you look right now is priceless."

"I thought you were after—you know—"

"I have a type, Hikaru. It's called _willing_. Clearly you no longer fit the bill. Relax. I don't hate you. The fact that you won't put out doesn't mean that we can't be friends."

Hikaru tried but failed to stop shaking, and Charles sighed. "All my hard work for nothing," he mourned. "That massage turned you so delightfully incoherent earlier."

"He'll hate me," Hikaru muttered.

"You stopped."

"I would hate me."

"I think you already do." Charles frowned at him. "Hikaru. This business will change you. You can't avoid that. It's not something you can choose, any more than you can choose to stop the clock and stay in a moment forever. But you _can _choose how you react to that change." He patted him on the head. "If he dumps you, you're always welcome to come find me, okay?"

"Like I don't have a long list of back-up lovers," Hikaru snarked, but it lacked his customary bite. Even he could hear the tremble in his voice.

Charles quirked up an eyebrow. "You know, I'm fairly sure that you really, really don't. And I'm also fairly sure that it never occurred to you until tonight to ever go behind his back. This was a mistake, one which you stopped before anything happened. And if that reasoning doesn't work, then _fight _to keep him. If he feels even half what you feel for him, then the two of you will be fine."

* * *

><p>Even though it was only five floors up, it seemed to take forever to get to his room. He was only thankful that there weren't many people up and about at this hour, because he had no idea what his face looked like at the moment.<p>

Hikaru had to swipe his card key through the lock three times before he realized that he had been doing it the wrong way. The moment he managed to make it work and walked in through the door, he heard Kaoru's voice.

"—miss you so much," his twin was saying. He laughed softly. "Yeah? Glad to hear that I'm at least more attractive than organizing your accounts. Yeah. Yes, I'm a brat. Deal with it, you love me like this." He was silent a moment. "I can't wait to come back to Japan. The second I'm back I'm going to run into your arms and just stay there _forever_."

He let out a small, involuntary noise of hurt, because _that_, that was exactly how he was feeling (only with a few swear words mixed in there, because the way Hikaru loved was too explosive, too raw not to contain some choice four-letter words).

Only _he _wasn't on the phone with Tamaki. Tamaki who was obviously still pissed about the last incident. Tamaki who would definitely hate him and dump him flat on his ass after what had just happened with Charles.

Kaoru looked up at the sound and let the phone drop. "Hikaru?" he demanded, darting over to his brother. "What happened? Are you okay? You—"

They were the first words Kaoru had spoken to him in _weeks. _Hikaru put his head on his twin's shoulder. His brother tensed, automatically winding his arms around him. "Kaoru..."

He wondered what he looked like, that Kaoru was so worried. "Kaoru, I..."

"Do you need medical attention?" Kaoru asked quietly, his voice tight. "Do you need me to call anyone for help?"

Hikaru stared. "No! Wh..."

His twin seemed to hesitate. "Hold on a second," he muttered, releasing him. He went over to the phone. "Sempai, I'll call you back later... sorry. Yes. I love you too. Goodnight." As he hung up, he looked over at Hikaru. "Is it... are you okay with me touching you?"

"Um. Yeah," Hikaru said, feeling a bit unsettled. "You haven't put so much as a pinkie on me since our fight. You even stopped kicking in your sleep."

Kaoru didn't rise to the obvious bait (Hikaru was the one who kicked in his sleep, not Kaoru). Instead he came carefully over to Hikaru and spoke as if he was afraid that he would break him. "There's really no gentle way to put this... Hikaru, no one... um. Did someone take advantage of you?"

At that, Hikaru's stomach plummeted. "How did you—"

His normally sweet brother's face twisted. "I'm going to fucking kill him, whoever it was, I'll break his neck and make sure they never find his body. Who was it? Do you remember? Did he..." He choked. "Sorry, we should get you to the hospital first."

"No!" he burst out. "I mean, no, nobody took advantage of me, Kaoru, calm down. But what made you think that?"

Kaoru gestured wordlessly at his neck.

_Oh God._

"Yeah," Kaoru said. "It's either that or shark attack."

"Oh," he muttered, flustered, recalling Charles's mouth there. "Fuck."

"Milord didn't suddenly pop by for a midnight quickie, did he?" Kaoru asked, keeping his tone purposely light. "Because if he did and you came back here looking like someone just ran over your foot, someone has to tell him he isn't doing it right... oh fuck, Hikaru, don't cry." Alarm seeped into his voice. "I was joking, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. Look at me, please."

"It wasn't milord, and I'm not crying," Hikaru garbled out from behind his hands. His fingers were curled against his eyes, putting pressure there. But they were dry. He couldn't cry. He refused to. He wasn't sure he deserved to cry anyway.

"I'm just tired, Kaoru. And I keep making all these stupid mistakes, and... he isn't going to forgive me."

Kaoru was silent a moment. "I'm going to run you a bath, okay?" He ran his fingers reassuringly against Hikaru's spine. "We'll talk."

Hikaru let out a breath as his twin moved away. In spite of it all, somehow, this was the best—and also the worst, but _still_ oddly the best—he had felt in weeks.

* * *

><p>Kaoru listened silently as Hikaru soaked in the tub, occasionally running a hand through his brother's hair. The older redhead sank into the bubbles, his voice hoarse with talking.<p>

"I'm glad it was Charles. You could have picked much, much worse to have gone with. But... I'm sorry," Kaoru finally ventured. "It was the stupid fight. If I hadn't been so stubborn, we would have been together tonight, and this all never would have happened."

"No, you're being an idiot now," Hikaru contradicted him. "You know I was picking a fight. Why are you apologizing when you gave me what I was looking for? You baby me too much, Kaoru. Don't think I don't know that you give in to me all the time, even when I'm wrong."

Kaoru didn't answer, only splashed him a little with water. Hikaru bit his lip. "Look, Kaoru, it's just—how the fuck do you do it? How come you're so _sane_ about all this? It was driving me nuts. And then, when you reacted like that last time..." He trailed off.

His brother flinched. "It's not something I like to think about," he said, the words slow and clumsy. "Last year, I was exactly like you are now. Worse, even."

"...what do you mean by worse?"

Kaoru drew his hand out of the water, lacing his fingers together in his lap.

"You have to promise not to freak out."

Hikaru glared. "People who say that actually mean, 'I'm about to say something that will make you freak out'. So no, I'm not going to promise."

His twin's eyes drifted to the ceiling and stayed resolutely fixed there.

"His name was Sebastian."

Hikaru's jaw dropped before he collected himself. "Kaoru, you _know _better than to take up with a guy named Sebastian. That's the sort of name that belongs to demon butlers and mutants bent on genocide... or crabs like the one from The Little Mermaid! Crabs, Kaoru. It's like you were _begging _for trouble. This story can only end in tears."

Kaoru let out a snort of laughter, but it sounded brittle. "That's true," he said. "But I wasn't exactly thinking at the time. It was half a month into the program and mom and dad were trying to wean me off coffee, just like you. Why do you think I kept slipping you espresso shots? I empathized."

"Huh. And I thought my pout just got better at convincing you to do things," Hikaru huffed.

"If you thought _your _little meltdown was bad, you should have been around last year. I got into a huge fight with mom and dad and Kyouya-sempai—no, don't ask what it was about, it was all stupid. The staff was still okay with me, so I went... I went out to a club with some of the interns." Kaoru bit his lip. "And I met Sebastian there." He looked up to check whether Hikaru would interrupt, but after a few moments continued. "He was nice, you know. At first."

The hair on the back of Hikaru's neck prickled at those last two words. Suddenly he remembered how Kaoru had reacted when he had first come into their suite tonight. _Did someone take advantage of you_?

"What do you mean... at first?"

"You look like you're about to have a coronary," Kaoru informed him. "Breathe, Hikaru."

If anything, that just made him more irate. "Kaoru, you are my _baby brother—_"

"_Listen_." His tone was flat. "We were drinking. It wasn't enough to get me drunk, but I had a few drinks. Sebastian brought me to the club's restroom. I was so mad at everyone, at everything, that I didn't give a damn at the time." He paused. "But then... there was... I don't know how to explain it. There's a, sort of a moment of truth for relationships, I think. When we go on tour like this. There's going to be this test, this tipping point, and you either cross the line... or something stops you."

Hikaru nodded. He'd had that, and the 'something' was apparently Tamaki's perfume. Then it clicked. "What stopped you, Kaoru?"

His twin laughed softly. "His glasses, of all things. Just when he was about to kiss me. You know that trick sempai has, where the light reflects off them and you can't see his eyes?"

"I'm pretty sure he bends light rays with his evil powers to make that happen," Hikaru grumbled.

"Yeah. He does that when he's trying to hide things. And I thought, oh god, if I do this, that's all I'm ever going to see. He won't let me look at him and know what he's thinking anymore. He'll hate me. He'll never forgive me. And yes, I was mad at him right at that moment, but could I deal with him being mad at me for the rest of our lives?" Kaoru blew out a breath, making his bangs flutter. "That was the moment."

"Does the Shadow King know about this?" he asked warily.

"Yes." Kaoru rolled his eyes at his gobsmacked expression. "It was kind of hard not to, seeing as his guards had to bust in there to help me."

"Wait, _what_?"

"Not all men are as decent as Charles," Kaoru told him. "You'd be surprised how many people aren't wiling to take no for an answer. I know we've both taken self-defence classes... and Kyouya-sempai made sure that I learned a little more... but when you're tipsy and your opponent is like a hundred pounds heavier, it's hard to win a fight. Sempai had a security detail trailing me that night. He said he 'had a feeling' that something would happen on that day in particular."

"Demonic powers," Hikaru muttered.

Kaoru smiled wanly. "At this point I don't care whether it was black magic or divine intervention. It was a good thing."

"Christ." Hikaru felt sick. It was difficult to realize how lucky he'd been. It could have been someone so much worse than Charles. _He _didn't have guards. If something had happened to him, it would have been...

"It could have been worse. I wasn't drunk, so I was still able to fight back. He didn't actually get to touch me. And he didn't drug me."

"Yes, the fact that it was only _attempted _rape makes it perfectly all right," Hikaru spat out.

"Of course not! He's scum either way. But it really could have been worse. I was a mess for a while. And Kyouya-sempai was furious at me." Kaoru sighed. "He dropped everything and took a jet to come see me. He wouldn't even look at me for the first few days."

"But you're still together." When Kaoru had come back, Kyouya had acted like there was nothing wrong. He'd been a little more fiercely protective of his boyfriend, but it was Kyouya. If he could have, he would have put the world on a leash to keep Kaoru safe (but he wouldn't leash Kaoru, oh no; as far as he was concerned, Kaoru was fine and it was everybody else who was the problem). Nothing out of the ordinary. Hikaru would never have guessed.

Kaoru's lips quirked up slightly. "I have no idea sometimes, how we worked past something like that. I thought he would leave me. Or hit me, at the very least."

"You used the Bambi eyes, didn't you?"

"No." The tiny smile disappeared. "How would I have dared? It would have been unfair and manipulative, and he probably would never have forgiven me if I'd tried. If anything, he would have hated me all the more."

Hikaru winced. So apparently there was no super-secret technique that Kaoru could pass on to him to beg forgiveness. "Then...?"

"He never told me why exactly he didn't break up with me. And I don't have the courage to ask him. But he loves me, Hikaru. Maybe that was reason enough."

Hikaru nodded silently, absorbing everything his brother had just told him. The water was cold by now, and he stepped out of it, shivering. If it was him in Tamaki's shoes, how would he feel? Betrayed. Utterly furious.

And unforgiving.

"Do you think I could hope the same for milord?"

Kaoru stared down at his hands. He knew what his twin wanted to hear.

And he knew that he couldn't lie.

"...god, I'm sorry to say this, Hikaru, but I... I don't know."

* * *

><p>AN: I think I'll have just one or two more chapters after this one.

I have to say this: I do know someone who was in Kaoru's situation once. Please, if this ever happens to you, scream for help, get as much attention as possible, fight back if you can. And remember that _it was not your fault._ A person has the right to say no, or even to change their minds after they've said yes.

(Good Lord. This was not meant to be a PSA, I swear. I just think rape should be on the Top Ten List of Things The Shadow King Will Send You To Hell For. Particularly if someone attempts it on his beloved Kaoru.)

I'll try to work on the next chapter the soonest I can. I've got an idea of how I should write it, but... these guys always get out of hand and twist my ideas around. I'll try to rein them in this time, though. Hope you guys have a gorgeous, cupcake-filled April!


	3. All Roads Lead Home

A/N: I know, I know, it took me ages, and I'm going to get people groaning "I've heard this crap before" when I say that I rushed this. I've been disgustingly busy, and last week I was freaking out so much over every little thing. Like literally waking up from stress-induced paranoid nightmares.

But hey-it's the last chapter. I'm not 100% happy with it, to be honest, but I wanted to have this out tonight. I've got something pretty big coming up tomorrow, and paralyzed as I am with terror at it, I really felt like writing and (hopefully) coming home to something lovely from my darling readers.

Speaking of darling readers: my utmost gratitude to a94monkeygirl, Always A Bookworm (I love you to bits), starkidranger, MoonyLover, Chaos Ride, Darkness34, YeahYouWannaKnowMyName, Victoria62015, and Nikita-chan6. I know it's a hassle to read and review works-in-progress (particularly when the author is so awful at updating, like me), so I really appreciate the feedback. You are all unique and beautiful snowflakes.

More A/N at the end~ for now, onwards to fic.

* * *

><p>Chapter Three: All Roads Eventually Lead Home<p>

They'd talked for what seemed like ages, huddled under the duvet and whispering secrets and nonsense to each other before they fell asleep. Somehow the bed that night wasn't as uncomfortable as the ones they'd had previously. And by some miracle, no one had called their phones or come barging in with some new emergency, so they actually slept a solid eight hours and woke up around noon.

When Hikaru cracked an eye open he was sure that he was still asleep. He rolled over and pulled his pillow on top of his face.

"Kaoru, I'm having nightmares of your scary fish boyfriend."

"Not scary fish," Kaoru mumbled, his face smooshed into his own pillow. "Sexy fish."

"Christ, did not need to hear that. He's a _kraken_, Kaoru."

"A _sex _kraken."

"Thank you, I'll never be able to watch Pirates of the Caribbean again." Hikaru pulled up the blankets, trying to huddle under them.

A long-suffering sigh. "The scary, sexy kraken would like to request that the two of you wake up now, because we certainly didn't come all this way only to hear you devils compare me to underwater creatures."

"Sempai!" Kaoru let out a squeak of delight, jumping out of the bed and diving for his boyfriend. Kyouya laughed softly as he let him climb onto his lap, messy hair and pyjamas and all, warm and loose-limbed with sleep. Kaoru really was lovely when he'd just woken up, and he couldn't resist stealing little kisses. "What are you doing here—oh _ugh_, let me go brush my teeth, this is so nasty—"

"Hi," Tamaki said, sitting down in the space Kaoru had just vacated. His smile was blinding. Hikaru had forgotten how big and shiny it was and how much like the sun his boyfriend seemed to be—okay, he still needed to catch up on sleep, apparently, or at least find some other way to clear the cobwebs from his brains. "I've missed you so much, Hikaru."

Hikaru didn't really mean to do it, but the next thing he knew he'd grabbed at Tamaki and burrowed into his arms. It was like his body moved on its own. "Fuck, fuck," he said, blinking fast. "Oh hell."

"What are you two doing here?" Kaoru demanded for the second time.

"Could you _hear _yourself last night? The panic was clear even continents away," Kyouya informed him, running his hands over every inch of Kaoru as though to assure himself that he was still whole. "And Tamaki's been planning a visit for a while now, though it took some time for him to clear his schedule. The Suohs are working him hard."

Tamaki smiled sheepishly at Hikaru. "Sorry. That's why I've been out of contact all this time. Grandmaman set some conditions for my time off."

"I very much admire Suoh Shizue's work ethic," Kyouya mused.

"You would," Hikaru said dryly. "From what I hear, you make robots to do your bidding instead of hiring people."

"I thought it would be better somehow, if we could see each other? It's not the same when we're on the phone." Tamaki cleared his throat. "And Kyouya said that something seemed to have happened last night, so we took the chance to come."

The colour drained out of Hikaru's face. "Milord..." He shot a glance at Kyouya.

"Kaoru's phone has excellent connection," the Shadow King said. "I distinctly heard him demanding to know what had happened to you and if you were all right."

Kaoru tugged on Kyouya's arm. "Come on, sempai," he said quietly, leading him out to the adjoining living room. "Let's let them talk. I'm sure you and I can find something to occupy ourselves with while they sort things out..."

They waited until the Manipulative Pair closed the door behind them. Tamaki turned to face his boyfriend only to find that Hikaru's eyes had dropped to his hands, which were fisted in the bedspread. "Hikaru?"

"I thought you were angry," Hikaru ventured. "I thought that was why you stopped talking to me. And I figured that I had it coming anyway, after the way I talked to you the last time."

Tamaki sighed. "I was a little upset, that's true... but you sounded _awful_. You sounded like you were going to fall apart."

"Yeah, survey says that I was halfway to a mental house when you called." Hikaru grimaced. "Admittedly my mental health wasn't so great before. Okay fine, I was the poster child for crazy. But I'm pretty sure I picked up a couple more syndromes on this trip. Not to mention a caffeine addiction."

"Hikaru... you know that thing where you were babbling at me the first time I confessed to you? You're doing it again. You do it when you're scared." Tamaki ran his thumb along Hikaru's mouth, his tone gentle. "What are you scared of?"

Wordlessly Hikaru yanked down his collar.

He tried to smile but—if Tamaki's face was any indication—he wasn't succeeding at all. "And no, it wasn't a shark attack."

Tamaki stared, hands moving for an instant to touch the marks before his hands dropped down to his sides. "What... what happened?" He sounded so lost, so worried... and underneath it all, the barest suspicion of _hurt_.

Hikaru almost wished that it really had been a shark attack.

* * *

><p>When Hikaru had finished explaining—the words halted, as though they were being yanked forcibly out of him like teeth instead of his usual easy flow—he waited. Tamaki had sunk (collapsed) into an armchair sometime during his monologue, and he wouldn't meet Hikaru's eyes.<p>

Hikaru waited.

There were so many things that he couldn't say, too many things he couldn't do. He wanted to grab him and kiss him and tell him that he was so, so sorry, that he would rewind the whole night and write it over if he could. He wanted to yell that it had meant nothing, _nothing_, Charles was nothing and the marks were nothing and...

But they weren't nothing. Of course not.

So he waited, until finally he couldn't anymore.

"Please look at me," he begged.

Tamaki choked out a noise of disbelief. He sounded utterly unlike himself, and that above everything frightened Hikaru. "I can't. Do you know what you look like right now? You look—you look the way you did when Kaoru had that alcohol overdose. The night you and I stood up to my father and grandmother. And if I look at you and see that, I think I'll have to break something. I don't know what to say to you, Hikaru, and I can't look at you either."

Hikaru flinched as Tamaki went on. "How do you think we're supposed to get past something like this?"

"I'm..." Sorry didn't seem adequate at all. Hikaru took a deep breath and composed himself, fighting to keep his words even.

"I didn't deserve this," Tamaki bit out, pained. He scrambled gracelessly to his feet. "And I can't, I can't deal with this right now."

"Rene, wait, _please_," Hikaru started after him, looking so distraught that Tamaki almost gave in and just pulled him into his arms. _Almost._ "Please—"

Tamaki shook his head. "Just—just let me think." He closed the door with a soft _snick _of sound behind him.

* * *

><p>Kaoru sucked in a breath as he watched the Host King depart from the room, not so much as even glancing their way before he stormed out.<p>

"…did they…?" He tensed, readying himself to go to Hikaru.

Kyouya ran a hand over his back, gentling him into calm again. "No. He's just going off to find a corner of woe to sulk and grow mushrooms in for a while. He'll be thinking it over, and then he'll return to tell Hikaru his decision."

The younger boy nodded. "Then I suppose the better question to ask is 'will they'?" If anyone would know, it would be Kyouya. Not only because he knew everything, but because…

Because he was the only one who knew what it was like to be in Tamaki's shoes.

Kaoru shivered.

"Kyouya-sempai... when it was us..."

Kyouya pressed a kiss to his forehead, knowing what his boyfriend was thinking. "Stop thinking. They'll figure it out. And as for you and I…" He pulled Kaoru closer. "You already know the answer."

* * *

><p>It took only a couple of hours before Tamaki returned, and he was the best thing Hikaru had ever seen. He'd envisioned the other boy hopping on a plane and going right back to Japan without speaking to him.<p>

"You're right. You deserve better than me. You always have."

At that, Tamaki let out a breath. "Hikaru." He let out a small huff of laughter. "I'm going to hold that statement against you for the rest of your life." The next thing Hikaru knew, Tamaki had reached out for his hand.

"Milord?" he asked, hardly daring to say anything.

"You know, I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't said that," Tamaki mused. "I deserve better than what you did last night. It's true. But my God, Hikaru, what am I supposed to do? I love you. I don't want to let go of you. And I wouldn't have let that be a reason, but... I know you're hurting over this, you know that you were stupid... and you stopped." He tried to smile. "I'm never going to change colognes."

Hikaru gawked at him. "I _know _that you love me, milord, but that doesn't mean you should forgive me."

"And I haven't." Hikaru recoiled as though he'd been slapped, but Tamaki continued. "Not yet. It's a lot to process, and you guys have always said that I didn't have a lot of brain cells. It'll take time for me to think about this. And... to trust you again. Because right now I want to strangle you, Hikaru, and I don't want to hear any jokes about strange kinks."

"I wouldn't have," Hikaru said.

"Liar. You always have the most inappropriate timing for your wicked sense of humour."

"No, really, I wouldn't have," he said, his voice faint. "I'm—I can't—I couldn't have."

Tamaki sighed. "You're right. There are things which are off-limits even to you." He squeezed his hand. "We got through you only pretending to love me, we got through my grandmother, we got through the Sendai earthquake... we even got through you drunkenly trying to marry Kyouya." Hikaru made a faint sound of protest. "We'll get through this somehow. This is the way we love each other. We make a lot of mistakes, and sometimes we hate each other. But we always knew it wasn't going to be simple. If we'd wanted things to be easy we would never have gone after each other."

"I do want things to be easy," Hikaru said. "But I want you more."

"You have to know this, though. This doesn't mean I'll let you get away with anything. If I have to break up with you, I will. I know I'm an idiot, but I'm not willing to accept anything less in a relationship." Actually, he was pretty sure that even if Hikaru really had cheated on him, he wouldn't break up with him. It was far more likely to result in a murder-suicide instead.

But he decided not to tell Hikaru that. Better to keep him on his toes.

"Thank you," Hikaru said in a small voice. "For what it's worth—and I know it isn't worth all that much—I'm really—"

"I know. I know, Hikaru." Tamaki pressed a kiss to his hair. "You know, sometimes I really wish that you were a girl."

"What?" squawked Hikaru. Sure, he'd been in the wrong, but there was no way he was going to let Tamaki get away with a comment like that. He even disliked being called 'pretty' or 'beautiful' or god forbid, 'adorable'. Not that he had anything against girls, but he liked his boy parts just fine and dandy, thank you very much, and if Tamaki couldn't love him with those boy parts, then there was no point in continuing a relationship with him, even though he was so damn relieved that they weren't breaking up. "What do you mean—"

"—then I could just plot to secretly get you pregnant and force you to marry me."

Hikaru winced and shook his head, tugging him closer so that he could get a hug. "That's possibly the creepiest and most romantic thing I've ever had anyone say to me."

* * *

><p>It was sort of strange, going back to their normal routine (or as normal as it could get considering who they were and what they did, anyway) after everything. Kyouya and Tamaki had gone off briefly to allow the twins to change and freshen up before they went off to meet their parents. Kaoru had filled their parents in on some of the vague details of what happened last night, and they were sticking close to their kids. They insisted that they all get tea together, which was how they ended up in the hotel's restaurant.<p>

Of course people stopped by frequently at their table; their parents were famous, after all, and Hikaru and Kaoru themselves were considered rising stars in the industry—and it didn't hurt that they had two extremely good-looking boys with them.

Their whole table was absurdly amused by the whispers that the twins were setting up a foursome, while their reactions were rather more mixed when they got some discreet (and other not-so-discreet) offers to join in if they needed extra participants.

"Yes, of course. How could they not jump to that conclusion once they heard Hikaru refer to me as a 'bloodthirsty spawn of hell'?" Kyouya deadpanned, sipping at his champagne. Alcohol for so-called 'tea', honestly—but Hikaru felt that after such a harrowing morning it was well-deserved. Besides, Yuzuha had said that they needed to celebrate Kyouya and Tamaki being there. "I'm sure that those are only terms of endearment. Nothing screams 'orgy' like being insulted."

"Oh, you know both my boys adore you, Kyouya-kun," Yuzuha said lightly. "Kaoru told me the most entertaining story about Hikaru trying to marry you while you were in Vegas—"

Hikaru set his cutlery down on the table with a forceful clatter, clapping his hands over his ears. "LALALALA NOT HEARING ANYTHING."

"Denial is such a sad thing," sighed their father, shaking his head.

Tamaki laughed. "Hikaru flirts like an elementary student. If Kyouya had pigtails he'd be pulling them."

Hikaru shot him a betrayed look. "Et tu, milord? And who the hell are you to be talking about elementary students anyway, when you have all the brainpower of a toddler?"

"Looks like you're back to normal already," Tamaki said with a laugh.

Hikaru squeezed his hand. "...but you're a cute toddler, anyway."

"Cuter than Kyouya?" Tamaki teased. "I don't see you trying to marry me."

"Kyouya-kun is very lucky," Yuzuha said with a smirk. "Anyone would kill to be the filling in a Hitachiin sandwich."

"MOM!" Hikaru wailed.

"Oh, psssh. Like you wouldn't be thrilled if Tamaki-kun had a twin brother?"

"One is more than enough..." Hikaru trailed off, eyeing his boyfriend appraisingly.

"You're drooling," Kaoru informed him, laughing.

"Everyone in this room is drooling over your group, actually. This is the best-looking table in the whole hotel." They looked up in surprise. "Hello, I hope you don't mind me interrupting your conversation."

"Hello darling. Looking dapper as ever," Yuzuha said as Charles kissed her cheek.

"Lovely to see you as always, Madam Yuzuha. I apologize for being unable to talk to you last night." His eyes shifted to Hikaru. "I was... otherwise engaged."

"Yes, so I'd heard," she said dryly. "And if you weren't you I'd have castrated you for touching one of my baby boys."

"Don't worry, Madam Yuzuha. His virtue is unsullied, though not for my lack of trying."

Tamaki looked at them in confusion. "Wait, so he's...?"

"Charles," Hikaru said, going bright red. Tamaki's jaw dropped open.

"Him?" he sputtered. Well, to be fair, Charles was pretty easy on the eyes.

Charles leaned in and sniffed at Tamaki. "_Ohhhhh_. So _you're_ the one! Well, I can see why. Goodness, you're ridiculously handsome, aren't you?" He smiled at the Host King's incredulous stare. "I hope that you aren't terribly upset at me. Surely you can understand that nobody is immune to Hikaru's charms; it would take a far superior man than I to resist. Oh, but you're very attractive too, as I already told you."

"Well—I—"

"I'm Charles, but you already knew that. We ought to have a drink," Charles added cheerfully. "Come on, it's the least I can do to make up for it." He tugged at Tamaki's hand. "Quite lucky that we use the same cologne! But at any rate, I will not impugn your lover's chastity."

Kyouya scoffed. "This is Hikaru we're discussing. Chastity packed its bags and departed a long, long time ago, even before he decided to engage in questionable life decisions."

"Well then, splendid! I see no reason whatsoever that we can't be friends, yes?"

Kaoru smothered a laugh as Charles dragged Tamaki away to another table, rambling something about fruity mixed drinks versus martinis and gin and tonics. "I think milord just met his match."

"Do I have to worry about Charles stealing milord this time?" Hikaru asked as Charles continued holding Tamaki's hand.

"No, Charles-san is a nice guy," their father said, smiling. "He just likes pretty things."

Kaoru snorted. "Makes me wonder why he hasn't tried anything on me. Anyway, I'll keep an eye on them for you. I wanted to talk to him about his last collection anyway. Try not to attempt murder on Kyouya-sempai while I'm away."

"Oh, hold on, I have some questions for him too," Yuzuha said, standing up.

Their father laughed quietly as Kaoru and Yuzuha went over to the other two. "How could he wonder why Charles hasn't pulled a similar stunt?" he mused. "Charles would never attempt something on Kaoru."

"Why not?" Hikaru asked. He looked at Kyouya. "Did you mark him with pheromones or something? Something that says, 'Property of the Demon Lord, do not touch or there will literally be hell to pay'?"

Kyouya's lips twitched into a smile. "Kaoru is wearing his ring. This Charles person tends to avoid trouble by not pursuing people who are attached, though he isn't completely opposed to it if they're willing. Oh don't look so surprised, I keep tabs on almost everyone in the social circles you move in. He's rather flighty; he is not, however, a bad person to have your little 'moment of truth' with, as Kaoru puts it."

Hikaru scowled. "Kaoru told you about it?"

"No. Tamaki did, actually." Kyouya shrugged. "It's really none of my business, but he's still my best friend. And I'm the only person in even remotely the same position as he is—dating a Hitachiin twin."

"I'm kind of amazed that you're still doing that," Hikaru said. "Kaoru told me about last year." Both his father and Kyouya stiffened. "And I know that you're head over heels for him, but..."

"Yes. It's difficult to think that demons are capable of forgiveness, correct?" Kyouya downed his glass of champagne. "Honestly, Hikaru, I had no idea what I was going to do when I went to see him. He and I have been together for years already. I couldn't imagine giving that up. But at the same time, I'd also never imagined that he would possibly cheat on me."

"Then?"

"We're human—yes, even me, and I could provide you with DNA evidence of that, despite your repeated accusations about my species. We're human and we make mistakes. Kaoru and I got together in the first place through a series of mistakes. It's true that there are many things which cannot—and should not—be forgiven, but at the same time, there are things that need to be." The Shadow King sighed. "When I arrived and went to see him, Kaoru was with your parents and my bodyguards, looking as though his world had just collapsed. He had bruises and... blaming the victim in that situation is a disgusting thing to do."

"It was all we could do to keep him sane, almost," his father said, clasping his hands in his lap. "For a parent, it's unbearable to be in that sort of situation and not know how to help your son."

Kyouya's jaw clenched. "I try not to think about it very often. And when it comes down to it, I trust Kaoru. Even after what happened, I knew I could trust him completely. If I can only erase everything else and think of that, it's all right."

"I went through it with your mother, too. It's practically a rite of passage for the Hitachiin line."

Hikaru's eyes narrowed. "What happened to that Sebastian guy, then?"

Kyouya snorted. "I had to wait my turn. First my guards got their hands on him... then I had to wait until your parents were through. It was rather sad that he was already in such awful condition when I finally got hold of him, but there were still a few tricks I had until I decided I'd had enough."

"...and when you decided that you'd had enough...?"

Their father stood up. "You know what? I'm going to have plausible deniability on this one. I think I'll go join your mother."

Kyouya waited until he'd walked away and joined the boisterous group at the other table. "Hikaru, you know how I often say 'murder is a pain to cover up'?"

The Hitachiin gaped at him. Surely Kyouya hadn't actually...

He smiled, revealing rows of sharp teeth. "I found out that it isn't actually all that difficult."

* * *

><p>"There're only a couple of weeks left until it's all finally over," Hikaru sighed as he tugged a model's collar so that it rested at just the right angle. It was that moment of utter chaos just a few minutes before the show start, but thankfully this time around seemed to be going fairly smoothly. "I'm going to sleep for a <em>year,<em> school be damned."

Kaoru laughed softly. "You're not the only one who suffered, Hikaru. Think about it this way: generations of Hitachiins have gone through the same experience."

"And this is probably why our bloodline is so nuts. Still, better than centuries of in-breeding, so I guess I'll take it. Does it get better with time, though?"

"Yes and no. Yes because of course experience makes things easier... and no because it's still really draining. There's a reason why it's called _work,_ Hikaru. That's why everyone here has a coping mechanism or two."

Hikaru snorted. "Is that why everyone on the staff smokes?"

"Sure. And why mom is disturbingly good at handling firearms."

"No way."

"Yeah. She took me with her to the shooting range once. She put the face of some critic on the gel dummy and went psycho on it—three headshots in a row are impressive, but it was when she started aiming at the crotch that I kind of realized that pulling pranks with a parent like that isn't such a great idea."

"Now boys, that would be true if I disapproved of your pranks," Yuzuha said, flipping through some papers and making last-minute checks on everything. "But they're so very creative, and it would be a crime to stifle your budding young minds... so long as you keep yourselves in check." She grinned. "I have a surprise for you two, by the way."

They eyed her warily. The last 'surprise' they'd gotten on this trip was their father telling them that they had changed the show schedule to half an hour earlier, as a 'test of their abilities'. Needless to say, there was blood shed backstage during that incident.

"Hi," Tamaki said, as he and Kyouya stepped out from behind one of the changing curtains. They'd claimed to be out touring the city, and instead...

"You're wearing our designs!" Kaoru said, thrilled. He glanced at his mother. "You mean...?"

"Yes, they'll walk at the show. I figured that since your 'friends' were in the area and decided to call on you, I may as well take advantage of it." She beamed at them, though she chose her words carefully, knowing that the Suohs and Ootoris far preferred to keep their sons' gender preferences quiet. "Shame we couldn't talk them into trying on the girls' clothes, though."

"I'd really rather not, thank you very much," Kyouya stated. "Your son has done enough damage to my mental psyche." Kaoru giggled and said something that sounded like "Yamada Hanako!" under his breath, which resulted in the Shadow King tugging on his ear in retribution.

Hikaru was staring at Tamaki, his mouth gone dry. He had made that suit with his boyfriend specifically in mind, and it looked amazing on him. The lines were perfect, and the blue highlighted his colouring.

"It's wonderful," Tamaki said. "You've really improved."

"Yeah," he said slowly. "Thanks. I actually... made that for you." He couldn't really say more, not with so many people milling around them, but the answering look of softness in Tamaki's eyes told him that he understood. "You look good."

Then it clicked.

_This is why I design clothes. _

"Oh no," he groaned, clutching at Kaoru's arm. "I'm starting to think that this trip is a real _learning experience_ and that all the torture was worth it_._ I'm getting brainwashed. Save me."

His twin laughed as he smoothed down Kyouya's lapels. Instead of a suit, the Shadow King was wearing leather. Lots of it. It made Hikaru wonder... but the last time he'd gently inquired about the nature of Kyouya's proclivities ("He's a kinky bastard, isn't he? Tell me, Kaoru! I need to know if you guys have safewords at least!"), Kaoru had given him a forty-page essay with diagrams that practically made his eyes bleed.

"I know what that feels like. Don't fight it, brother. Resistance is futile."

"Mmm, yes. When my own parents put me through this all I could think was, 'I can't wait to have children and make them go through it too'," Yuzuha said, setting down her pen.

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "And that just sent all your hopes for mother of the year crumbling into dust."

"Cheeky. I think I'll take you with me next time I go to the shooting range." She checked her watch. "Everyone, twelve minutes before show time. Places, _now._"

"Ready?" Hikaru asked Tamaki, smiling.

"Of course," Tamaki replied. "Just watch. I'll make the world get on their feet for your work."

"I'm going to take that as a challenge," Kaoru said. "Kyouya-sempai, don't you dare let them beat us."

"I'd be appalled if the Idiot Couple managed to outshine the Manipulative Pair," the Shadow King said. He squeezed Kaoru's hand, the two of them exchanging an affectionate look. "You two still have a long way to go before you reach where we are."

"We'll get there eventually," Tamaki murmured. "And then you just wait and see."

* * *

><p>AN: And finished. I have no words. This was a struggle to write, and I'm so sad to say goodbye to the Charles character (he was one of the most fun things about working on this, honestly).

I'm trying to figure out what to write for the next part of the OTNK series... I have a few ideas, but we'll see.

Here's hoping that tomorrow-and the future-will be great. Yeah, you guys can tell that I'm pretty insane-slash-freaking out at the moment, yes? Anyway. Much love to all you readers~ have a gorgeous, cupcake-filled June!


End file.
